Than never to have loved at all.
"Nice hat, Al. Maybe you're not so bad after all."
At least that's what old Alfred Lord Tennyson said. Neat. Thanks, Al. That was helpful. No, really. It definitely put things in perspective so I could move on. Live again. Love again, even. I mean, who was I to think the he/she was just a cold-hearted, manipulative trashbag who could never care for anyone but him/herself? I mean, all he/she did was rip out my beating heart and shred it into lifeless bits, pausing only to check if his/her favorite show was a rerun this week. That's not so bad, eh? And now, all I have left to remember him/her by is this remote. What to do?
Give it to Dan Savage. Oh yes, THE Dan Savage. You may remember him from our earlier post Dan Savage is Just Plain Wonderful, or maybe from his nationally renowned lovefest/advice column Savage Love. Whichever. It's not like we're comparing who has more readers or anything. Anyhoo, Dan is back at it, wrecking havoc on Valentine traditions with the 13th Annual Valentine Bash at Neumos on Saturday, February 13th. VDay Eve, for anyone who's paying attention. Bring your memento of a love lost, and he will personally smash it, to smithereens, as they say, on stage. Wait a minute. Turning Valentine traditions on their heads? Where have we heard that...oh yeah! A wily little beast we call DEATHCAKE ROYALE...MUWAHAHAHAHAAA! This year, anyone who brings a token of their broken heart to get properly walloped on stage gets a little something extra to lick along with his/her love-inflicted wounds...a Deathcake Royale.
Seriously, at this point, if you don't know what Deathcake Royale is...well...click HERE.
Or, just look here. Mmmmmm...
Seeing as Dan Savage and Deathcake Royale are clearly a match made in bizarro world heaven, we're giving away two tickets to the bash. How do you get 'em? Well, we know how you kids love the Twitter these days. So tweet #2wordsforDEATHCAKE along with the two words you think best explain why Deathcake Royale is ALL the love you need this Valentine's Day. We'll pick our favorite, and send you and a pal to the bash. You MUST include the #2wordsforDEATHCAKE hashtag, and you MUST tweet it @CupcakeRoyale. And please, don't be gross. And don't be vulgar. You will not win. The winner will be announced next week.
Deathcake Royale. Shared by lovers. Loved by haters. This one's for you, haters.